It's May 18th, 2025.

I just graduated from Tufts.

It has been an amazing 4 years filled with enough memories to recount for decades to come.

I've had countless conversations with people from around the world while sharing a meal, playing frisbee on the quad, riding the T, hanging in dorms, drunk at parties, at the houses I've called home, and many more places and activities at Tufts and in Boston. I've met and connected with hundreds of people, yet I still find my mind lingering on you.

—

You left.

And then you came back.

And then it became a pattern.

With each time, a mix of different feelings floods my mind

sometimes joy, sometimes sadness, sometimes anger, sometimes fear, sometimes confusion.

And through it all I try to put myself in your shoes.

How are you feeling? Why are you acting this way?

Why are you hurting? What can I do to help?

And I ask. And you try to tell me. But sometimes words over the phone are not enough—texting and calling becomes bittersweet.

And the heart-to-hearts in-person are few and far between.

And I understand. And I believe that you know that I do.

—

I just graduated from Tufts.

And maybe I was foolish expecting to hear from you.

But am I to blame when we talked just last week?

I sent flowers on your birthday.

"That was very kind of you. I got them. Thank you"

"The flowers are very beautiful"

We had been back in touch.

And then you disappeared again,

from the start of senior week on Monday, til today, Sunday the 18th.

And for who knows how much longer, my birthday is on the 22nd.

I know you remember that.

At this point I don't expect to hear from you, but that's okay.

I don't take it personally, I know you are going through a lot.

Maybe the next time you reach out, I send this to you.

I wonder what that would accomplish.

Maybe you'd find it artsy and appreciate it, or this will become a source of eternal embarrassment for me, immortalized on the internet.

I think I'd like whatever outcome though.

—

I want to write more, I think having a creative outlet is good for the soul.

My grandpa is an accomplished artist. And while I work in tech now, I desire to be human and engage in the arts. I want to read, write, paint, and create in my free time.

I don't think expressing relatively raw and unfiltered thoughts is neccessarily embarassing.

I think it's just very human. And I find that to be a beautiful thing.

—

Bringing the topic of disappearing closer to the topic of graduation.

I wonder how many people I will keep in touch with.

How many people I will continue to see in the coming months and years?

I expect a few dozen, they know who they are.

I also think I will reencounter people who I've met but was not that close to during my time at Tufts.

And by circumstances, like living in the same city, we may become closer.

Okay this poem is quite long now, and there are some other things I'd like to do tonight on the night of my graduation.

"Pax et Lux"